I want to be social. I really do. I crave connection, laughter, and the feeling of belonging. But the moment I step into a social situation, my brain flips a switch, and suddenly, I’m drowning in anxiety.

It’s a constant tug-of-war—wanting to make plans but dreading them at the same time. The anticipation of socializing can be worse than the actual event. I run through every possible awkward scenario in my head, convincing myself that I’ll say the wrong thing, be too quiet, or just completely shut down.

Then, if I manage to push myself into going out, I spend the whole time analyzing everything. Am I talking too much? Too little? Do they think I’m weird? What if I run out of things to say? Every interaction feels like a high-stakes performance, and I leave exhausted—mentally and emotionally drained.

But here’s the thing: I don’t want to isolate myself. I know that cutting myself off from the world only makes things worse. So, I try. I set small goals—saying yes to an invite, initiating a conversation, pushing past the initial discomfort. Sometimes, it goes well, and I feel proud. Other times, I spiral afterward, replaying everything I said and cringing at imaginary mistakes.

I remind myself that social anxiety doesn’t define me. It’s just an obstacle I have to navigate. Some days are easier than others, but I keep trying. And that’s what matters.

If you struggle with this too, just know you’re not alone. It’s okay to take breaks, set boundaries, and ease yourself into social situations at your own pace. Socializing shouldn’t feel like a punishment—it should be something you do because you want to, not because you feel pressured.

So, I’ll keep pushing forward, one awkward conversation at a time. Maybe one day, it won’t feel so exhausting. Maybe one day, I won’t second-guess every word. Until then, I’ll just keep trying.

Do you ever feel this way? How do you handle it?

Sail, Survive, Slay

CptMaxWinters